The Virtual Memorial Garden

This is from a card sent in response to a thank you letter sent after Mikey's Birthday (08-29-96) to those people who left items at the grave or the accident scene. Beth always leaves some- thing pretty .. Here is what she said: "Kayle - I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate every - thing that you mail to me about Mikey. I wonder where you find the strength to do everything that you do for all of Mikey's friends. You are a much stronger person than I, for I could never have handled his death as well as you seem to, had he been my own son. It is so hard to go to his grave, drive by the crash site or even to see a Labaron that looks like your car that he always seem to have. Sometime when I am driving down the road I have to look twice to be sure the driver next to me is not Mikey. You had a wonderful, caring son, he was one of the best friends you could ask for. I want to let you know that if you ever need ANYTHING at all - Please call me - be it someone to listen, any help around the house, errands run or anything at all. I'm always here to help. Joleen and I want to come down sometime, but I don't want to make things harder on you. Maybe sometime soon we'll find the time to stop by. Mikey was a wonderful person and will always be missed. Please don't think twice about calling if you need anything. Love Beth."

This is from a letter received from Shelby after she received a thank you card for the flowers she sent to Mikey's wake. "Kayle - I wanted to write to see how you were doing. I also wanted you to have this poem because it reminded me of Mikey. Although I could never know how hard this has been for you, I want you to know if you ever need to talk, I will be here to listen. Mikey was a very special person. He was always the one to make you laugh and never had a problem with anyone. Even though he is no longer here with us, I beleive he is watching out for all of us, especially you. Mikey will always be in our hearts, he was too good of a person not to be. Although there are no words that could ease your pain, I hope you find comfort in knowing how many people love Mikey and how much we all support you. I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk, please call me. Sincerely, Shelby Kimball. PS - My foot is okay! Poem enclosed is as follows: May you always walk in sunshine and God's love around you flow; for the happiness you gave us; no one will ever know. It broke our hearts to lsoe you; but you did not go alone; a part of us went with you, the day God called you home. A million times we've needed you. A million times we've cried. If love could only have save you. You never would have dies. The Lord be with you and may you rest in peace. Amen."

Today is Thanksgiving. The first one without Mikey. It is very hard to think of anything to be thankful about. The pain of losing him is so great..so new..still so overpowering... Maybe I could be thankful for ever having had him in my life at all. Maybe someday..not today..I just want him with me..again..

This message is paraphrased from a note received from Sadie Nicholson - Skylar Nydam's mother... I'm not sure if you remebered that Jamie Nydam has a little girl. Well her name is Skylar. When she was born I asked Mikey what did she look like? He said 'little. soft .. fluffy." I asked what is her name. Mikey looked up at the ceiling trying to remember and finally shrugged his shoulders and said "I dunno..something heavenly..." Anyhow that is not what I wanted to tell you but is a good preface. Jamie and Sadie (Skylar's mom) invited me to her 1st birthday party. I went. Even though I really did not want to. It was cute. Lots of Mikey's friends, etc. I had a camera and took a few snapshots of Skylar. In one, she was smiling so hard..that's the only way I can describe it..she looked so much like Jamie it nearly broke my heart. All of a sudden it hit me that I will never look into a little face and see Mikey's eyes or Mikey's smile. I cried for days and weeks over that and I still do. When I had the pix developed I got two copies. I kept the picture that broke my heart and gave some to Jamie and mailed the rest to Sadie. I told Sadie in a note about how I felt. Basically what I told you a few sentences ago. Here is what she wrote back to me (which is what I started to tell you)..She enclosed a new picture of Skylar...Here is her message: Kayle, I received the pictures you sent me. Thank you very much. It must be tough to think that you will never see a grandchild of your own. I would be so honored to have someone so caring as you for Skylar's special grandmother. She's a very lucky girl to have so many loving people in her life. As for never seeing a child with Mikey's smile or his eyes .. just look around at all his friends and loved ones. If you look deep in their eyes you will see Mikey. When he passed away he gave each and everyone a piece of him. I know this because I can feel him not only inside me but beside me. And I will for the rest of my life. He will always be a part of me as he is with you. Here are some pictures of Skylar we just got back. And anytime you want to see her just give me or Jamie a call. Talk to you soon. Love Sadie.

Last night I was looking for a recipe for salt dough that Mikey and I used to use when he was little. We used to make ornaments out of salt dough and then decorate them for his christmas tree trimming party. Anyhow, when I went into the recipe box there was a recipe in his handwriting from the thrid grade. It was for orange cranberry relish. Every day, or so it seems, I find some thing new (actually something old) that is a fresh reminder of Mikey. I miss him so much. The holidays are awful without him.

Today I was ironing and it made me think of Mikey. Everything makes me think of him. When he was little I would iron his pants and he would sit on the floor waiting in anticipation. He would put them on really fast and feel the heat on his legs. He said it felt so so good. He would ask me to iron his pants so he could have 'hot legs'. I wish he was here now so I could iron for him again.

It's me again. Missing you. Always and forever. Love Mom